If you’ve played sports, you know what a coach is, and you may have heard of an executive coach. But, have you ever heard of a divorce coach? I spoke with Marriage & Divorce Coach, Kara Francis, regarding the benefits of having a coach by your side as you navigate the divorce process.
1. Decide if divorce is the answer
If you’re unhappy in your marriage, you may be considering divorce, but not sure if it’s the right path for you. This can be a really lonely and scary time, because you are struggling with different thoughts and emotions, and feel like you have to keep them to yourself until you make a final decision. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
A divorce coach can support you during the decision-making process by helping you get clear on what your desires and expectations are in a marriage, how your current marriage is stacking up, and what you want to do about it.
If you decide you want to try to stay married, a divorce coach can refer you to a couple’s therapist or help you come up with a reconciliation plan. If you decide you want to get divorced, a coach can refer you to a reputable attorney to help you get started.
Regardless of the path you choose, a divorce coach helps you move forward and not feel stuck in an unhappy marriage.
2. Emotional Support
A divorce coach provides emotional support by giving you a space to vent and process all the emotions that come up during a huge life transition like divorce. Your coach will validate your feelings and experience, help you maintain a positive mindset, focus on solutions instead of problems, improve your communication skills to reduce conflict, and more.
You may be thinking, I already have a lawyer on retainer, can’t I just use my lawyer for this kind of stuff?
Here’s the thing--your lawyer is trained to provide legal support. While your lawyer may be compassionate and understanding about what you’re going through, lawyers are not trained to help you process your emotions. You may rack up a huge bill with your lawyer and not necessarily see the results you want to see on the personal/emotional side. Moreover, if your lawyer’s time is spent on consoling you rather than being able to actually work on your matter, that is not the best use of your lawyer’s time and energy. So, if you work with a divorce coach on these issues, you will see more effective results that help you move forward in your divorce.
3. Goal-setting
A divorce coach helps with goal-setting in your divorce by helping you get clear on what you want, maintain realistic expectations, and reduce overwhelm by breaking down your goals into discrete, smaller parts.
The types of goals a divorce coach can help you with are limitless: co-parenting strategies, financial goals, preparing for meetings with your attorney, staying organized and on-track with the documents you must complete for your lawyer, setting boundaries, self-care, career and personal development, setting up your new home, and rediscovering your identity and purpose for this next chapter of your life.
A divorce coach will also hold you accountable for the goals you set. If you achieve a goal, your coach is there to celebrate you and help you take things to the next level. If things don’t go as planned, your coach is there to help you identify what went wrong, what you can learn from it, and how you can show up differently next time.
Kara Francis is a former divorce lawyer turned Marriage & Divorce Coach. She serves clients at all stages of the divorce process: deciding if divorce is the answer, getting started with the process, support during the divorce case, and creating your post-divorce chapter. You can contact Kara through her website (https://www.karafranciscoaching.com/).
